Mary

This was 2 years ago when I held my little girl for the first time.

I can't believe how much better my life is with her in it.

She is talking so much, and really becoming more and more of her own person. It is so fun to hang out with her. Mary wears her heart on her sleeve, and I know exactly how she is feeling and what she wants (and doesn't want). She is a gentle and a caring child, but she also has a very strong sense of her way. She loves to be organized and is into her wardrobe, her hair, and her dolls. She sorts her toys by color and category, and always places them in a line. Like most toddlers, Mary definitely feels the beat of the music and encourages me to "Dance!" with her, even when I'm not in the mood.

"MINE!" is her new favorite word. I'm trying to teach her how to share (is that possible at her age? Anyone? My efforts aren't really working) However, when she claims ownership over me, and Ashton, and Jon, I kind of like it. I don't correct her when she says, "MY mommy. MY Ashton. MY daddy."

Something about it tells me that she likes being a part of this little family. And THAT is very endearing. I like it too. Actually, I love it.

And I love her.

"How wonderful life is, when you're in the world."

Happy Birthday Mary!

This blog REALLY inspires me. I hope it inspires you.

THIS post is a good one. AND the one that it is linked to. And there are A LOT more that make me happy, make me laugh, and cry, or are simply beautiful.

Sisters really are the best friends a girl can have. I am so grateful for mine, the ones I've known since birth, and the ones I have loved since we met. You REALLY are some of the very best women I know. Becca, Michelle, Julianne, Heather, Rachel, Kimmy, Jess, Katie. Thanks for being you, Lucky me!

Arrrrrrshton

This little guy is growing up so fast. Yesterday, Adam called him a caterpillar. The hungry, hungry, caterpillar. He's 2 1/2 months old, weighs close to 15 lbs, and has the most kissable chubby cheeks I've ever seen. The past couple of weeks he has come to life smiling and cooing. He knows we are here, taking care of him! He is so precious, I just wish you could all get a squeeze from this cuddly little munchkin every day like I do.



Thanks Chris, for the pictures, and for the pirate shirt... I'm still so impressed you crafted this all on your own. (well, with a little bit of your wife's touch, right Kimmy?)

Holiday Healing

I haven't posted for a very long time, and for good reason. My excuse is, well, um... I'm just going to throw it out there... yes I will... here goes... I... have... been... depressed. Yep, it's true. Suffering from a combination of many factors, the "postpartum" blues got me down. If you are a mother, you may know what it's like, but I didn't know. Nothing could have prepared me for the roller coaster I feel I have been on these past couple of months. I knew the baby was coming, I knew it would be hard because I would have 2 babies. I knew I wouldn't feel very good physically for a while, but I didn't really know what it would be like every day.

Sweet little, perfect Ashton came into my life just days before my 25th birthday. He is a blessing, so fresh from God, so pure and fragile. He depends on me for every need, every waking moment. That complete dependency endeared me to the child who was here, in my arms. At the same time, that responsibility made me question my own capabilities. He cried a lot. I tried everything. I tried everything. I AM trying EVERYTHING I can think of. A lot of remedies have worked. Previced, Sleep training, binkis, baby bjorn, no more chocolate, no more broccoli, tummy time, gas drops, more naps, earlier bedtimes, incline. The list goes on. But it is in those hours of fussing that I question myself. When the circles under my eyes were wearing darker and darker, when my daily responsibilities were left undone. How do other women do this? How come I can't figure out how to meet my own baby's needs? What is wrong with me? And yes, even thought a couple of times... I guess I can't do this after all.

However, it was in THAT moment... in those times I felt I might actually be crazy, and indeed incapable, that God sends quiet miracles, little angels, and sometimes big messages that He is still in charge.

Today I was loading Mary into the car while explaining that we were going to get the car washed. I told her it was going to be loud, trying to prevent her from having a melt-down. She responded in a sad voice,

"Scared." and then, "Me. Scared?"

"Yes, Mary, it might be scary, but-"

"Mommy." It was like a whole sentence in one word. She pointed to her hand and said, "Hand, Mommy, Hand." Trying to interpret an almost 2 year old can be challenging,

"You want me to hold your hand?" I asked.

"Yeah." "Okay. Me. Okay."

Doesn't that sound so simple? So wonderfully simple? Mary won't be scared if she can hold my hand. She will be okay.

This Holiday season I felt God's outstretched hand to me. I felt the simple comfort he sent through moments like the car wash with Mary. I felt His outstretched hand through a trusted friend's words when I realized that God doesn't expect us to be perfect in our relationships, or in our responsibilities. I knew what she said was true, that's why he sent us here... it's to figure out we CAN'T do this alone, that we NEED him. I felt comfort in the home of my own parents, and in the company of my brothers and sisters. I felt okay again as I spent quality time with my husband, my in-laws, and my friends. I think Mary summed up perfectly the healing I felt this holiday...

Scared. Mommy Hand. Mommy Hand. Ok. Me. Ok.

I am okay. I am refreshed. I am ready. I can do this mother-of-two business. On days when I feel I can't, I will remember these past few weeks, and Mary's simple phrases. There are hands to hold all around me. And they feel warm. And they make it all okay.



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*Post Edit:

I'm really not trying to be a "debbie downer." I have been close to deleting this post about 10 times for many reasons... was I too personal? Does this sound like a pity call? Do I sound ungrateful? etc.

But your kind comments and gestures to me since I posted last week have me feeling very grateful for loved ones who are sincere, and who are real. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and for your love. My hope is that God will send his angels to you to lift you when you are down as He has to me. Thank you.

love, love, love,
Lisa

Basic Activities

The life of a newborn...

He does a lot of that ^ And a little bit of this >

He spends a good amount of time on this changing pad ^ And a little bit here in the bath (my kitchen sink).

What if life was this simple forever? I'm glad I don't have to sleep swaddled up 18 hours a day (newborns really sleep that much? Why am I so tired then?), but he seems to like it. At least he lets us cuddle him as much as we possibly can.

Ashton Jack Crosby

Born: Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 8:58pm

7 lbs 14 ozs.

18 1/2 inches long

That smile on my face is evidence of modern medicine... I LOVED getting to the hospital soon enough for an epidural! And that is pure joy without the searing pain.

Mary is adjusting... this is going to take some getting used to, but she is going to be alright, she's very helpful when she wants to be.

These are her new "big sister" pj's... she's a natural!

Safe and Sound.

Swollen

This is honestly the perfect way to describe how I feel right now. Yes, these are my nasty swollen feet. And my cankles. I did post them.

Just in case you were wondering... my feet don't usually look like this. The countdown to the due date is on... 8 more days. That doesn't really mean my baby will be here by then, but it's all I have to hold on to, so I'm hoping. For my sausage toes' sake. Among other reasons.